I was just on The Chive’s charity site filling in an application for help. I got stuck at the part where I had to show proof of my diagnosis and doctor info. Well my diagnosis is from one doctor, I have an orthopedic doctor, pain doctor and general practitioner. I can only use one doctor and some I haven’t seen for years!
I have this thing called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. It affects people in many ways, but my hay is pain and hyper-mobility combined with severe fatigue. The connective tissues in my body don’t grow back. Joints dislocate daily and it does not feel good at all. That is me and I am gonna stop harping on it now.
I try not to ask for charity, but things are getting tough. At first I thought a cool therapy pool would work. Then I started thinking. The bane of my life… thought. I thought about how my room is a disaster area. I risk falling and dislocation a random joint every night to pee. Mom is going on 70 and taking care of her 45 years old son. Our house is falling apart because I can no longer work on it.
My father was a Vietnam vet, Purple Heart. We were lifers in the military. I joined up with the USAF, but my then unknown condition led me to an early medical release with a blown knee. These days, everything is blown.
I am in a good place right now, mom got me plane tickets to go visit home, Germany, in April and I couldn’t be happier. Who am I kidding? I spent ages 5-23 over there. I am ecstatic. I just hope my body holds up for this one last journey. I plan on having my first script finished when I return.
Reading all these inspirational letters on The Chive, seeing people set up gofundme.com accounts for people they don’t even know warms my soul. I read about a sick kid, reach for my wallet… only to remember, Government disability only pays me $635 a month.
I don’t want pity. I want a home, a safe hope. One where a 70-year-old doesn’t have to rake leaves. I want the pain to stop, it wont, but one of those hot-tub/swimming pools sounds like heaven. I am not asking for someone to start an indiegogo or gofundme page. I just wanna get out of bed once in a while, talk to mom and not worry about the house falling.
So last year at this time, I decided to promise myself something. Since New Years Resolutions always go bust, I just made a simple statement about how I was going to do something big the following year (2014).
Well I had all these great writing/photography gigs set up and thought this was my breakthrough year. I had a comic script I was working on, a novel and a host of other projects that would fulfill my definition of big. Well EDS and other mysterious illnesses foiled me along with my ineptitude. .
As my main talent these days is writing, I thought it was gonna be a cakewalk. Well enter unknown, bone eating whatever the fuck. Suddenly my hand, well pinkie but hand sounds better, was having its bones chomped on, and it hurt. I went to my ortho doc and he thought it was some arthritis shit. He goes in, fuses finger joints and tests to see what it was. He couldn’t find out, it was some anomaly. So I am laid up for months with some Wolverine, metal rod stuck in my finger. Typing is hard one handed people.
Then concert gigs! Yay! I got to see the last Motley Crue tour, go backstage and meet the guys, but no press. The freaking venue didn’t allow it. Fuckers. After bragging that I would have a huge scoop, band after band PR people started… not calling me.
So this past year sucked. I have some personal plans for next year, but I am at the fuck it stage right now. Money is tight, gotta pay for medical shit and get the hell out of debt. That is why I am selling my most prized possessions, stuff Nikki Sixx and Crue signed. I am even including the signed copy of The Heroin Diaries that has kept me clean all these years. Here is the link to the eBay auction.
While I am trying my best to be a bit more positive after a fit of depression, I am also still trying to stay informed. Especially on subjects that affect my country. This is not the country I know anymore. This trouble/murder in FERGUSON, Mo is showing us the tip of something more sinister in law enforcement. Yes, stupid assholes looted, yes there was violence. There was also a murder.
A yet unnamed LEO, shot and killed a black child. Repeatedly. Now, they cordon off the town, enact martial law and no fly zones. Things I thought only a President could do, guess not. Reporters are harassed and blocked, even arrested!
Just for a minute, I am going to assume that everyone who reads this had a good relationship with their fathers OK?
Everyone of us clashed with our dads at one time or another, it is natural teen angst. My dad was a tough as nails military man, while I was a long-haired, tattooed, wannabe rock star. He must have hated it. Yeah, he would threaten me with a trip to the Army barber now and then, but I gave him good cause. One day he had to take off from work (in the army), drive half an hour to the Nuremberg police station and pick me up. I had been caught with friends skipping school and we were wandering around the Red Light District, just looking. That was the longest drive home ever.
Dad didn’t yell. The whole trip back was silence. I squirmed in my seat, coughed and tried to stop the squirming and be as still as possible. When we got home, he would let me have it. He was never violent, I got the belt maybe twice in my life and those times it was for something worse than looking at hookers. Imagine a 30 year, Vietnam vet. Combat tried and tested yelling at you. Pretty scary. Guess what I did? Fainted. BAM! Flat on my face and slowly woken by our dog licking my face. It wasn’t over though. Because I fainted, the discussion turned to “Are you on drugs?”. I wasn’t, I was scared. Finally he dismissed me to my room. I put on some Motley Crue and tried to relax, cursing my dad for not understanding me.
My dad is gone now, passed years ago but I still miss him every day. I would give anything to have just a few more hours to really talk to him. This is similar to the spot my friend Kerri Kasem is in now, but she has hope. Her dad, the legendary radio and TV host of American Top 40 Casey Kasem, is in poor health. His wife (you may or may not remember her from that horrendous Cheers spin-off The Tortellis) Jean Kasem, has been blocking Casey’s children from seeing him. I really hate to say this, and it pains me to do so, but Casey Kasem is not long for this Earth. A man is dying and is ditz wife bars his kids from even seeing him without an armed guard present! She has even gone to the lengths as to brag that she was about to star on the next season of Housewives of Beverly Hills! Made a fake Facebook account under Casey Kasem’s name just to trick people into tweeting their support for her in this role. REALITY CHECK! Casey Kasem does not use the computer, he unfortunately can’t. Also, he is a man of such standards he would never peddle trash like that. Never in my life have I ever heard an ill word spoken of him. And because of that formerly blond (yet still a) bimbo, his children don’t get to spent the right kind of time with a father who is near his end.
“Well I heard it was about the kids wanting money.”, wrong! Kerri has money, her sister does as well. Kerri’s brother is the number one radio host in Singapore and has two TV shows! They don’t want money, they just wanna see their dad. Casey raised them right. Last night on KABC talk radio, Kerri recounted her childhood. She didn’t have the regular Hollywood kid upbringing. Casey never gave her a credit card to go buy frivolous things, if she wanted something Casey told her to work for it. Boy has she taken that to heart now.
Kerri’s sister signed an agreement, but Kerri would not. I believe she was right in refusing as no child should have to bargain, beg or sign away a parent. With that, she decided to fight, to go to work. Sure she could have just gone to court and had her own battle, but she knows that there are thousands out there in her exact situation. There are no laws for a judge to rule on for children’s rights when it comes to ailing parents. Kerri and her layer Troy Martin, have partnered with Assemblyman Mike Gatto who is sponsoring the new bill aimed at giving children the right to see their ailing parent. She has started a foundation, Kasem Cares and is taking donations to help pay lobbyists and get this law passed as fast as she can. She is short on time and knows it, but she also wants to hear from you. She wants your story if you have been in this situation or still are. She fights not only to see her dad, but to make sure others don’t have to endure the heartache she has.
I would also ask you to tweet Assemblyman Mike Gatto @mikegatto and thank him, use the hashtag #ThisBillShallPass Go to Kerri Kasem’s Facebook and give her your stories and support. She really reads everything you post there. Donate at KasemCares.org Do something. I would give anything for just one moment with my dad, don’t let her moments be taken by formed, wannabe actress. (I am so pissed at her, sorry)
Above all, keep Casey Kasem in your thoughts, Kerri as well.
Wow, 50 of you crazy people follow me, that is so insane. Don’t you know I am a crazy man? Well if you didn’t know, then you are not a true follower and you should be ashamed.
You know, if each and every one of you gave me $1000 each, I could start getting my artists paid for my upcoming comic. Is that too large a price to pay for my sporadic ramblings? I come on here once, maybe up to four times a month, and pour the insanity straight from my demented brain to you.
In all seriousness, I know 50 is not a huge number, but you all mean a lot to me. I get pretty good traffic, but you, YOU chose to “Follow”. Welcome to my cult.
Growing up in Europe, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to travel to many countries and experience their cultures. At the age of 16-17, I grabbed my backpack and over the course of a few years (we took sporadic breaks back home) friends and I made a circuit from Germany to the north through Norway, Denmark and down through Amsterdam. From there we made our way to Paris, begging and busking to pay our way to the south of France. It was a little coastal town between Cannes and Nice called Antibes. All the rich movie stars would dock massive mega-yachts there because of the proximity to Cannes and Nice. Odd jobs were easily created in the form of scraping barnacles off these behemoths.
As the weather started to get colder, we migrated to Spain. I would read Tarot cards on the beach for tourists and pretty much scam them by telling them what they wanted to hear. Crossing Gibraltar to Morocco, hoping over Libya to Egypt and up through Bali and the Maldives to hit India, the USSR and finally back to Germany. It was an adventure of a lifetime.
There were nights sleeping in abandoned bomb shelters from WW2 to escape tremendous storms, dangerous wildlife and Soviet troops eyeing us with suspicion. We survived and a passion for travel was born. When asked, “Where is your dream place to visit before you die?”, I would say “Australia mate!”. I still do want to go there, but if I ever go I want a guide/bodyguard. Have you seen all the things that can kill you over there?
Cracked always has list articles and hardly a week goes by without a list of 6-10 animals that can kill you in under 3 minutes flat. The native language there has to be SCREAMING. My passion for going there is slowly being eroded by the warm trickle down my leg when I read more about the local fauna. Here is my list of “Scary ass monsters of Australia.”.
Saltwater Crocodile. Big, stealthy death mouths that will eat you. EAT YOU!
Freaking SHARKS! Remember Jaws? Spielberg should have made the film there to save on that fake shark that never worked.
Sticking with the water, Box Jellyfish. Before you say pee on it, that is a myth bro. These blobs KILL.
Shit fucking SPIDERS. The Sydney Funnel Web, Bird Eating Tarantula and the TrapDoor Spider. I think ONE of these wont kill you, but I will not take the chance. FUCK SPIDERS in their spider-butts.
Dick SNAKES. There is no Dick snake, but the Coastal Taipan (most venomous snake on EARTH), the King Brown and the Tiger Snake. Too many snakes. FUCK them. No don’t do that, it is illegal and deadly.
Blue-Ringed Octopus. Seafood that KILLS. Is that barbie hot yet?
Australian Paralysis Tick. A TICK (SPOON!) that will paralyze you!
Stonefish. Some of the symptoms that could lead up to the possible death may include such timeless classics as: intense pain lasting up to 12 hours, nausea, tremors, abnormal heartbeats, seizures and paralysis. And just look at it. Australia has wonderful people, at least one will say this to you if you run into anyone of these monsters, “Oh, relax mate! He’s not gonna hurtcha!”. Crazy Aussies I love you but you’re gonna have to kill a bunch of shitty creatures before we cuddle.
I have followed this for a long time, as I am a fan of remote islands. These amazing insects were WIPED out by rats from a crashed English ship.They were gone. After 1920, there wasn’t a single sighting. By 1960, the Lord Howe stick insect, Dryococelus australis, it was presumed extinct. Somehow, wind/birds, they ended up on a sliver of rock known as “Ball’s Pyramid.”
Australia is now breeding them, hopefully to reintroduce them, and Jane Goodall visited. She noticed that even insects can “love?”, maybe.
Goodall says “Patrick showed me photos of how they sleep at night, in pairs, the male with three of his legs protectively over the female beside him.”