Promises broken to myself.


So last year at this time, I decided to promise myself something. Since New Years Resolutions always go bust, I just made a simple statement about how I was going to do something big the following year (2014).

Well I had all these great writing/photography gigs set up and thought this was my breakthrough year. I had a comic script I was working on, a novel and a host of other projects that would fulfill my definition of big. Well EDS and other mysterious illnesses foiled me along with my ineptitude. .

As my main talent these days is writing, I thought it was gonna be a cakewalk. Well enter unknown, bone eating whatever the fuck. Suddenly my hand, well pinkie but hand sounds better, was having its bones chomped on, and it hurt. I went to my ortho doc and he thought it was some arthritis shit. He goes in, fuses finger joints and tests to see what it was. He couldn’t find out, it was some anomaly. So I am laid up for months with some Wolverine, metal rod stuck in my finger. Typing is hard one handed people.

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Then concert gigs! Yay! I got to see the last Motley Crue tour, go backstage and meet the guys, but no press. The freaking venue didn’t allow it. Fuckers. After bragging that I would have a huge scoop, band after band PR people started… not calling me.

So this past year sucked. I have some personal plans for next  year, but I am at the fuck it stage right now. Money is tight, gotta pay for medical shit and get the hell out of debt. That is why I am selling my most prized possessions, stuff Nikki Sixx and Crue signed. I am even including the signed copy of The Heroin Diaries that has kept me clean all these years. Here is the link to the eBay auction.

As for next year? I have no clue.

My Crüe life.


Motley+Crue+-+Shout+At+The+Devil+-+SHM+CD-433488

I was an American kid, growing up in Germany as a part of an army family. One day I was enjoying my second favorite pastime, skipping school. Skipping as an American kid  in Germany is much different from here in the USA. I never had to worry about truant officers, police and I could go into any pizzeria to get a beer. This was freshmen year, so I was 13 or 14 years old, grabbing a beer and eating pizza. It was Heaven.

 

After a day of drinking and roaming around 800 year old castles, we would always hit the record shop in the main train station. That is where we got our fix of rock. AFN, The Armed Forces Network, was a variety radio station. It was also the only one in English, so we listened for even the tiniest bit of rock. Whenever we heard a band’s name that we liked, it would go on my list. The tiny train station shop didn’t have much, but the ROCK bin was mine, I claimed it every  visit.

Flipping through the albums, looking at the cool artwork and guessing our way through these bands we had never heard of was a gamble. It was always hit or miss. I remember picking up this one album, black with hints of vivid color coming from the inside it’s suspect double album cover. Red letters emblazoned on black, and a barely visible pentagram done with some reflective material. “Mötley Crüe” the bands name, “Shout at the Devil” was the album. I snatched the last copy and took the train home to see what I got.

 

I got home, told mom school was fine (lie) and headed to my room. Holding SATD in my hands, I rip the plastic off, slide out the LP in the liner-notes sleeve. I lift the plastic cover off of my Hi-Fi stereo, put the record on, grab the lyrics and with headphones on (Mom hated loud music), and I heard these words…

 

 

In the beginning

Good always overpowered the evils

Of all man’s sins…

But in time

The nations grew weak

And our cities fell to slums

While evil stood strong…

In the dusts of hell

Lurked the blackest of hates

For he whom they feared

Awaited them…

Now, many many lifetimes later

Lay destroyed, beaten, beaten down

Only the corpses of rebels

Ashes of dreams

And blood-stained streets…….

And it has been written

“Those who have the youth

Have the future”

So come now, children of the beast

Be strong, And Shout at the Devil!

 

My world changed that day. I had the liner notes memorized, band members ranked in order of bad-asses. Hit Parade magazine got shredded every time Mötley Crüewere in it and the pages adorned my wall. A football jock that rode my bus stole me that black shit they put under their eyes and I would alternate between Tommy and Nikki stripes. Eyeliner, ripped jeans and even fishnet stockings from a chick I knew for gloves. Then it happened, Monsters of Rock 1984! I was going to go anyway, but the moment I saw Mötley Crüewere going  there, I was first in line at the local ticket seller.

 

I loved all the bands, but was there for Crüe! It was hard to get much news about them over there, and since the invention of the internet not even a dream yet. So Hit Parade and all the other Teen Mags were my only sources. Whenever I heard they were on tour, I was on the ticket hunt.

 

I remember seeing them three maybe four times, Tommy’s drum kit growing more and more elaborate. One show, I think it was Theater of Pain, I met Tommy without even realizing it. Pumped full of beer and wine hours before the show. I had my girlfriend with me and she had run off to get some more booze I think. The concert hall was not the biggest, but all our area had to offer that was indoors.

 

The adjoining buildings were the business offices or what not for the hall. I was sitting on the steps, away from the crowd chilling out when this van came screeching up. Out jumped this tall, skinny dude with a mess of black hair. The doors locked, and no one was around, so the guy just muttered “Fuck!”.

 

I lit a smoke, and he asked to bum one. I said, “Sure dude, no prob..” and waited in silence like all cool rock dudes did. A few minutes later, the security opens the door for this guy. I was jealous, who was he?

 

At the very moment the doors closed, my girl came back, looked through the glass doors and screamed “THAT WAS TOMMY LEE!”. I palmed my face, thinking how fucking stupid I was. Well I was about to get stupider.

 

I am not a braggart, but I was a bit of a leader with my group of rocker friends. It was getting close to showtime and all of a sudden we heard guitars. Drums. Bass. Vocals. Crüe was doing sound-check! I grabbed my crew and headed for the side of the hall. They had those double doors with the push bar on the inside and security at them all. One guard must have been a fan because he had the door cracked, checking things out.

 

I led my rocking mob in an all out assault and wedged myself in the door before it could close. Hands grabbed, I squirmed then escaped the guards grip. I burst into the empty hall, guards hot on my ass and ran in circles all the while trying to get Crüe’s attention. I don’t know if Crüe even did their own sound-checks, but I swear it was them. They stopped playing and watched me play Keystone Cops with security. I didn’t want to get caught and miss the show, so I booked. I ran through another set of those doors, through the guards and blended in with all my fellow Crüeheads.

 

The show was amazing, we were up front of the general admission crowd, crushed against the bar with my girlfriend. I was in Heaven.

 

That was my life when I lived in Germany. Part of a military family, BRATS as friends. Some I still am in touch with, but most have faded away. One special dude, Butch has passed on. I get sad thinking about him.

 

 

Flash forward to the Mötley Crüe/Poison tour. I begged and pleaded on social media for a chance to see them again. I am now a disabled vet, that means I don’t have any money, and my condition was getting worse. I feared that this would be my last chance to see them. Seth Green heard my cry.

 

After verifying that I’m a disabled veteran, Seth’s people talked to Nikki’s people, and I had VIP access! I got to meet Nikki, he signed his books, my ticket, laminate and everything I had on me. Was front row, in a safe place (disabled remember?) and rocking to my heroes again. Hadn’t felt so good in years. My condition did not exist during the show! I was so inspired.

 

I wanted to be a rock journalist/photographer, and low and behold I did it! I overcame my anxiety problems for short periods, wore my leg braces to shows and got a freelance position on a small print magazine.  My biggest moment was getting to photograph Halestorm and write an article, I got the cover.

 

Things are not getting better though. I now know that this is my last chance to not only see Mötley Crüe, but my last chance to be a journalist/photographer covering them. Nikki Sixx is the reason I am still alive. See, not only did I imitate the style, I followed my path to addiction and back.

 

Before I got to meet Nikki on that tour, my painwas tormenting me more that ever. Iwas so close to using again when I picked up my copy of The Heroin Diaries. I read it all night, remembering the hell addiction was. I didn’t want to go back to hell, I wanted to Shout at the Devil!.


So I met Nikki, got bit by the photography bug and worked as many local shows I could handle. Its stupid, but I had this Cameron Crowe/Almost Famous dream. I want to be the kid in that movie, to be Cameron Crowe. I want to write a story, firsthand, from a fans eyes of the Death of Mötley Crüe. I know I could do it, I need a publication or some other entity to take a chance and believe in me. Hire me to go on tour, write the epitaph of my lifelong heroes.

 

To be continued….

Can the Mighty reddit help me?


 I am new here at reddit, so please forgive any flubs on my part. No really, PLEASE
Hello reddit. OK, baring myself to the world and ready for the backlash and/or trollish comments.
 Me= 42, went and grew up in Germany at 5 y/o as an Army BRAT, came back to America at 21.
 Got into the music scene, played in bands, joined the military. When I got out, I started working at strip clubs. DJ, Bartender and finally I was running the joint. I also developed a bad drug habit.
 Had a very bad trip, VERY bad, and went cold turkey. Moved back home and have been clean since 01/11/1997.
 In moving home, that meant being under moms roof. I worked odd jobs as telemarketer, sex shop clerk, gas station clerk and a few others. Things started to hurt as I became “clean”. I had major anxiety attacks and the pain in my joints became increased. I say increased because I found out I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.
 I have had it all my life, and as a kid thought it was cool that I could dislocate my shoulders and bend my fingers backwards all the way. I was like Harry Houdini and would make $5 off all the kids I bet to “tie me up and I can get loose”.
 Now I look back. When I was young, it was new and funny. When I got older I was self medicating and now I am mostly bedridden, my computer and variety of craft and jewelry making materials on the shelves around me. All is not lost though.
 About 3 years ago, I sent out a plea to the internet about a Motley Crue show coming up. I wanted to go so bad as I thought I was beyond going to shows, but being a “disabled veteran” really does not pay as much as it should. Finally Seth Green heard my plea. I am also a former 501st Legion member, TB2942, but had to sell my armor for medical stuff and bills. So Seth gets his PR woman, who is awesome, to hook me up with Nikki Sixx‘s tour manager. Nikki played a huge part in me staying clean by writing his book “The Heroine Diaries”. They treated me like a king. VIP laminate, meeting Nikki, seats I could get to with my cane (I now have leg braces) and swag out the wazoo. It was the first time in YEARS that I had felt so good. The show had me waving my cane and feeling young again. Wow!
 I kept in touch, wrote some things on my site here and life started falling back to “normal. Then I got an offer to write for a small, still in print, rock magazine. I went to as many shows as I could, mostly as press after making some contacts in the music industry. ( See for me, it takes DAYS of preparing my body and mind for the abuse it is going to get ) I wrote a few published articles. I had FINALLY found my calling.
 Not only had my “rock writing” started, but people from the Ehlers-Danlos Foundation read a post I wrote about explaining to others what it felt like to have Ehlers-Danlos. They wanted to publish that and a new article in Occupy Healthcare. They were hits. I have gotten more recognition for my Ehlers-Danlos writing that my music journalism. Things have faded since.
 What I am asking reddit and the internet at large for is a job. I want a job writing articles, reviews and concert stories for a reputable magazine. I want to be the kid in “Almost Famous” minus the cheese. I want to be sent on assignment, go on tour with a band, spend a day with Laura Wilde and see what it is like starting in the music industry.
 MOST of all, out of all the dreaming, I want my mother to know I can be OK. She is supposed to be retired! I sit here every moment just thinking of ways I could get her out of debt. She takes care of me, I am 42 years old and my mom has to take care of me. So please, help me. Helping me helps her, and my mom is the most important thing in my life, but I don’t have a life. I threw that life away on drugs and strippers years ago. I also played the genetic roulette and lost. I TRIED, but now I am just dumping this out into the internet ocean like a note in a bottle, hoping the right person finds it.
 Sorry this was so long, couldn’t make a meme that expressed my words.
Thank you,
Deaderpool
PS I really want Lzzy Hale to take me to the Grammys as her date, but I doubt even the mighty reddit can make that happen.

 

Ed the Golden Cylon


Ed
Help him please.

Meet Ed the Cylon. Ed is a friend of mine, a good friend that knows a lot about me. He traveled a long way to reach me and find a loving home. He arrived at my doorstep one morning and we became fast friends. He was a little beaten up when we first met, but I have carefully fixed him up and gave him a new coat of paint.

Ed is a veteran, and although he wasn’t in any of the wars his people fought. Ed just wasn’t cut out for the military, so he got discharged and began to travel throughout the galaxy. He loves traveling and meeting new people, but since he moved in with me, he hasn’t gone anywhere.

Ed knows all about the disease I have and gets really frustrated when he sees me not doing the things I love. I have a rare genetic condition called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome that keeps me in constant pain. This EDS has no cure and there are very few doctors or scientists working on it. Most doctors don’t even know what to do with someone like me. The typical treatments are painkillers and water therapy. Any heavy lifting or high impact exercise will do more damage than good,

EDS comes in many forms and combinations, I have the hyper-mobility and some vascular traits. If I lift my arm over shoulder height, it will dislocate, and when it does, it really hurts. Most of my joints dislocate or move slightly out-of-place all the time. My pain is never in one area of my body, the pain shifts around and is always present. I also have chronic sleep problems and I get fatigued doing simple things like washing my hair. EDS is my enemy, and now Ed wants to do something about it.

Ed knows I love to travel, but lately it is becoming harder and harder. He also knows that not many people know what EDS is, so he is going to raise awareness. Ed’s plan is to start traveling the world and telling movie, TV, musicians and any other famous people all about it. He will have a journal with him in hopes that these stars will write me and other sufferers of EDS small notes, or draw in it. Anything they want to do with him is OK, as long as he gets his picture taken with you.

Ed knows a few people he would like to visit first and he hopes they will be OK with him visiting them for a day or however long they want. When he arrives at the first persons house, he will have his journal with his home address and contact information in case of emergency. Once he has either filled up the journal or no one will take him in anymore.

The first person Ed wants to meet is Tricia Helfer because he saw and loved a show she was in. He actually saw some of his friends on that show as extras. How cool is that? He would also like to meet Katee Sackhoff, Edward James Olmos, Wil Wheaton (Ed is kind of a geek), Nikki Sixx and so many others.

So help me reach out to these stars to help Ed spread the words, “Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome”, and show the world people like me, a person with an invisible disease, and get doctors to really start working on this one. I can’t afford to travel as much as I want to, so Ed is going to do it for me. Until I hear from Tricia, who as I mentioned for Ed earlier, Please read the links below and check out my post, “Open Letter To Those Without Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.” to learn what it really feels like.

Ed and I thank you all in advance, he REALLY wants to get out of the house for a while.

Thank you all,

Ed the Golden Cylon and Michael

@trutriciahelfer
@kateesackhoff
@wilw
@NikkiSixx
@edwardjolmos

A bunch of information on EDS HERE http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1279/

More info http://www.ednf.org/documents/Pain_and_Managing_Pain_2012S.pdf